New Life COTR Wednesday August 8, 2007
BUILDING AND MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
“Marriage and Materialism”
INTRODUCTION: Last week we talked about Marriage and Money. Money, if not handled correctly can cause much stress in a marriage. While it is God’s plan for money to be a blessing for many it is a curse. One of the leading causes of divorce in America is money problems.
Matthew 6:24(NIV)- “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”
The managing editor of money magazine summed up a study his magazine did concluding that money has become the number one obsession in America. Money has become the new sex in this country.
Tonight we’re going to talk about “MARRIAGE AND MATERIALISM.”
Television and advertising convinces us that we need it all and Master Card promises us that we can have it all.
To many Christians have left their FIRST LOVE and are having a love affair with the world.
A gentleman was wearing a T-Shirt that said “ALL I WANT IS MORE.” This is a symbol of a very serious situation not only in America but in the CHURCH as well.
Luke 12:15- “Then He said to them, Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”
From time to time we all struggle with MATERIALISM. We must learn to balance success and significance.
What are our real priorities in life? WE ALL WANT MORE!
Many believe that when we get more things it will make us happier. The truth is more possessions has nothing to do with true happiness.
We get more things thinking it will make us happy when all along it puts us in bondage! It causes an inner conflict! WHY?
“YOU CAN’T SERVE TWO MASTERS.” You cannot be caught up in the secular rat race and serve God at the same time!
John Stott: “We cannot maintain a good life of extravagance and a good conscience simultaneously. One or the other has to be sacrificed. Either we reduce our affluence by giving generously and helping those in need or we keep our affluence and smother our conscience. We have to choose between man and God!”
He’s not saying we have to make ourselves poor and give everything away! He’s saying that we must be generous givers in order not to smother our conscience. We need to have open hands and open heart.
IT’S NOT ABOUT LIVING IN A HUT, IT’S ABOUT THE HEART!
What is MATERIALISM?
1. Webster’s Dictionary- materialism is a pre-occupation with or a tendency to seek after or stress material rather than spiritual things.
2. Thorndike and Barnhart Jr. Dictionary- a person who cares too much for the things of this world and neglects spiritual things.
A Materialist is a person who is preoccupied with the things of this world.
Mark 4:13-20- Turn and Read
The following scripture is a picture Jesus paints of a Materialist.
Luke 12:15-21(NIV)- (Also Read from the Message Translation)
The storing up of things is not evil. It’s when you store up things and you are not rich toward God. That’s the issue. Going after possessions but you’re not rich toward God!
Materialism is not POSSESSION, but OBSESSION. Wanting things more than you want God.
Here’s a good balance. Do you put more energy into getting more of God or more of the world?
Materialism is a matter of the HEART not the wallet. Materialism is not determined by how much or little you have. It’s a matter of the heart.
Howard Hedrix- “Materialism has nothing to do with the amount. It has everything to do with the attitude.
1Timothy 6:17,18- “Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.”
Paul didn’t tell the rich to get rid of all their wealth or tell them to feel guilty about their wealth. He said to be generous with your wealth and not to put your hope in the wealth.
Putting your hope in the wealth is materialism.
Are you more afraid of loosing your house than your walk with God? Are you more afraid of loosing your savings account than your walk with God? If so your securities are in the wrong place.
SEVEN WARNING SIGNALS
There is no formula to determine what and what is not materialism. It is between the person and God. The line is different for everybody. We can get into a dangerous area of a judgmental spirit or pious attitude if we have some kind of formula. Materialism is not about a dollar amount. It is about the heart.
There are seven warning signals of Materialism:
1. When you go from managing your money to being anxious over it.
2. When envy and jealousy creep into your life. (You get upset when someone gets a new car).
3. When you loose appreciation for what God has already given you.
4. When you loose the joy of cheerful giving.
5. When you seek things more than God.
6. When you think that things will make you happy.
7. When enough is never enough.
THE CURE FOR MATERIALISM
Contentment is the only scriptural cure for Materialism!
Six steps toward contentment
1. Meditate on scripture. Psalm 1, Philippians 4:12,13, Matthew 6
2. List your assets and regularly express gratitude.
3. Reflect on what really makes you happy.
4. Make a wish list on paper and tell God what you want. (But be willing to live without). This gives you permission to be real. This gives you space to be honest with your humanity.
5. Don’t rush major purchases.
6. Decide how much is enough before you get it. You decide what your lifestyle is going to be before you get there. When you get there stop and give the rest to God. .
CONCLUSION: Contentment is the secret of inward peace. It remembers the stark truth that we brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing out of it. Our enemy is not possessions but excess.
2Corinthians 9:6-11(NIV) Turn and Read
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Marriage and Materialism - Pastor Kenneth Woolf
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Marriage and Money - Pastor Kenneth Woolf
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New Life COTR Wednesday August 1, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
“Marriage and Money”
INTRODUCTION: Many Marriages today are on the rocks because of MONEY! Fifty percent of couples filing for divorce list financial problems as the leading cause!
Money and material blessings are meant by God to be a source of blessing and security, but for many couples, finances are a curse and a cause for fighting and insecurity in their relationships.
Regardless of your financial situation you and I need to respect the power finances have on our lives and marriage.
Money molds men and women and marriages. In the process of getting it, of saving it, of using it, of giving it, of accounting for it.
Depending on how money is handled it proves a blessing or a curse to its possessor.
IN YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU WILL EITHER MASTER MONEY OR MONEY WILL MASTER YOUR MARRIAGE!
Matthew 6:24-34- Turn and Read
*****Understand, that when it comes to money it’s about YOU AND GOD IN PARTNERSHIP!********
Let’s first look at God and His part in the partnership. FOR THE PARTNERSHIP TO WORK YOU MUST BELIEVE THE NEXT THREE POINTS.
I. OWNERSHIP- He is the sole owner of everything.
Psalm 24:1- “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world and all who live in it;”
II. GOD IS IN CONTROL
1Chronicles 29:11,12- “Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O Lord is the Kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.”
III. PROVISION- God is the provider
Genesis 22:14- “The Lord will Provide.”
TRANSITION: God is doing His part! Now what is our part in this partnership?
I. FAITHFUL STEWARDS- Accountable to God
1Corinthians 4:2(NIV)- “Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.”
God owns, we possess. That makes us STEWARDS OR MANAGERS of His stuff.
TRANSITION: In Genesis 2 God prepared the garden of Eden for Adam and put Adam in the garden and commanded Adam to DRESS and KEEP the garden. God was telling Adam, “Manage and Protect My Garden.”
God the owner is in control and gives us provision to manage or be stewards over. So how do we end up in financial problems which in turn cause unnecessary stress on our marriages?
1. DEBT- This is simply spending more than you make.
Proverbs 22:7- “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.”
Debt- Few things are so easy to get into and so difficult to get out of. Few things are so fun to get into but so difficult to get out of.
2. IRRESPONSIBLE USE OF RESOURCES
Impulse buying- Don’t buy under pressure. If God wants you to have it, it will be there for you. If you don’t have peace, don’t do it.
Will Rogers- “We spend money we don’t have to but things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like.”
Indulgence Buying- It is important to discern between NEEDS and WANTS. Indulgence buying is buying just because you want it.
But it was on sale! Do you know how much money I saved? Do you know how much money you spent?
The third thing that causes financial problems and unnecessary stress on the marriage.
3. CARELESS MANAGEMENT
Lack of attention to Money Details. Here is a common statement, “I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT ALL GOES.”
WHERE YOUR MONEY GOES IS NOT A MYSTERY! Get a budget.
Proverbs 24:30-34- Turn and Read
What you invest your money in is important.
You are 12 times more likely to be struck by lightening than to win the lottery.
The Fourth way you can get into financial problems which can cause unnecessary stress on your marriage.
4. WITHHOLDING BENOVOLENCE
There are two Biblical principles that go hand in hand. GIVING AND RECEIVING
Luke 6:38- “Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
It is possible to give and be richer. It is possible to hold on to things and be poorer as a result.
Proverbs 11:24,25- “One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”
Biblically we are commanded to give in three ways:
(1) To God- Proverbs 3:9,10- “Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.”
(2) To Other Christians- Galatians 6:10- “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
(3) To the poor and needy-Proverbs 14:21- “He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done.”
The fifth way to get into financial problems and cause unnecessary stress on your marriage,
5. CHEATING
Taxes, Work, Time!
TRANSITION: Now, how do we experience financial peace that helps our marriage be a marriage that Rocks?
1. PERSONAL DISCIPLINES- that where it all begins. Financial peace comes from your own personal disciplines.
The maturity of your personal disciplines is second in making this whole thing work. The first is God.
Ownership, control, provision, this is all about God! BUT SECOND IS YOUR DISCIPLINE!
WITHOUT THESE TWO ALL THE KNOWLEDGE IN THE WORLD WON’T HELP ONE BIT!
Master yourself first through Jesus Christ and then master your money.
Proverbs 25:28- “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.”
Proverbs 1:1-7- Turn and Read
TRANSITION: God calls us to personal disciplines and faithful stewardship for three reasons:
1. TO DEVELOP CHARACTER- Money molds men. It proves to be a blessing or a curse. EITHER A MAN BECOMES A MASTER OF HIS MONEY OR THE MONEY MASTER OF THE MAN!
Money is an exact index to the character of a man. Your checkbook reveals your true character.
The second reason God calls us to personal discipline and faithful stewardship
2. TO DEEPEN OUR SPIRITUAL LIFE
In order to trust God with your finances you’ve got to know Him and to know Him you must spend time with Him.
All major financial decisions require time with God.
Matthew 6:24- “….you cannot serve two masters…”
The third reason for personal discipline and faithful stewardship
3. TO LEAD US TO CONTENTMENT
Hebrews 13:5- “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
There is great joy in doing the right thing but you just have to do it.
Without a strong mature character you have no discipline for a budget.
Without a deep spiritual life you have no motivation to give to God’s church.
Without contentment you will never get out of debt because you’ll always want more.
CONCLUSION: I want a marriage that rocks, how about you? Be free financially! Keep unnecessary stress out of your marriage.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The Most Important Thing - Pastor Kenneth Woolf
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New Life COTR Wednesday July 25, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
“The Most Important Thing”
INTRODUCTION: We’ve spent several weeks talking about BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS instead of having a marriage on the rocks.
1. The Law of Priority
2. The Law of Pursuit
3. The Law of Possession
4. The Law of Purity
If you follow these laws of marriage you can have 100% success in your marriage.
But tonight we’re going to talk about the MOST IMPORTANT THING to having a successful marriage.
John 4:1-26 (NIV) Turn and Read
Jesus is telling the lady, “Lady all your outward trinkets, all the people you have in your life are not going to help you at all.”
You’re drinking from a source that is going to keep you thirsty and coming back for more over and over for the same disappointing drink.
But if you would come to me now I would give you a drink you would never thirst again. JESUS WAS SPEAKING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!
He’s saying, “come get a drink from a supernatural source!”
This Story tells us Several Things
1. Jesus has compassion for those who have failed in marriage.
Every single person here has been touched by divorce. Jesus found a person that represents about as low as you can go.
Five marriages broken up and now she’s living with someone.
The point is- if Jesus loved this woman He can love anybody! If He can help this woman He can help anybody!
JESUS HAS COMPASSION ON PEOPLE WHO FAIL! “FATHER FORGIVE THEM, THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING.”
This was not an evil woman, just ignorant and Jesus had compassion on her. No matter what you’ve done, Jesus doesn’t throw people away!
This story tells us that Jesus has compassion on those who fail. The next thing the story tells us.
2. Marriage was created by God and it’s only successful when we honor His plan and presence.
Marriage was not created by government or man. Marriage is God’s domain. The context of this scripture we just read is Marriage Counseling.
Jesus comes to this woman who is totally broken and broken in marriage and He comes to the core issue. He never dances around the issues.
WHAT HE’S TELLING THIS WOMAN IS THAT SHE CAN SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE IF YOU INCLUDE ME!
The third this story tells us.
3. The most important issue in marriage is our personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
There’s no other issue that determines your success in marriage than your personal relationship with God.
WHY?
ONLY JESUS CAN MEET OUR DEEPEST NEEDS!
1. Acceptance- People may reject you but Jesus knows all the dirt on you, past, present and future and He still loves you!
NO-ONE CAN LOVE YOU LIKE JESUS!
2. Identity- Who you really are. Jesus created you in your mother’s womb and He really knows you.
People cannot tell you who you really are. They can tell you who they think you are.
ONLY JESUS CAN TELL YOU WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
3. Security- Only Jesus promises true security.
Am I safe from harm? Psalm 91(NIV) Turn and Read
Am I going to be provided for? Hebrews 13:5-“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
4. Purpose- Why do I wake up every morning? Is it just to get a paycheck? To just exist in life.
Maybe your purpose is for something eternal. To do something significant! Your life means something eternal.
Acceptance, Identity, Security, Purpose.
You see, you have deep needs in your life and only Jesus Christ can meet those deepest needs!
HERE’S THE PROBLEM: It’s called the principle of transference!
Whenever we don’t trust Jesus and our relationship with Him we automatically transfer the expectation of those needs to the people closest around us.
When kids we transfer that expectation to our parents. That’s why so many are bitter with parents.
When adults the number one person we transfer our expectations to is our spouse!
If we get married and we have a personal relationship with Jesus and He meets our deepest needs we are prepared to love our spouse!
If you don’t have this relationship you turn to your spouse and say, I want you to make me feel accepted.
I want you to make me feel like someone. Give me identity.
I want you to make me feel secure.
I want you to give me purpose!
The woman at the well had never worshipped God and had a personal relationship with Him. They worshipped things not God.
That’s why Jesus said, “Lady you’ve got to stop worshipping things and worship God in Spirit and in truth.”
She had never had that relationship with God so every man that came by her she latched on to and squeezed Him hard for acceptance, identity, security and purpose.
Make me feel like somebody. Make me feel special, make me feel secure.
God is not my source, you’re my source and she squeezed that first man, second man and on and on and they couldn’t do it.
Finally she gives up and starts living with a man.
JESUS SHOWS UP AND SAYS LADY, YOU’RE DRINKING FROM THE WRONG WELL!
THE PROBLEM IS NOT MARRIAGE, THE PROBLEM IS YOU!
You’re dry and empty on the inside and if you keep drinking from the same human source you’re going to continue to be thirsty.
Jesus says, If you will drink from me I will give you living water on the inside of and you will never thirst again!
I WILL SOVE YOUR PROBLEM!
You set yourself up for failure when you try to make another person be God to you and do what only He can do. They will always fail but God never fails you!
If you transfer your expectations of the needs only God can meet to another person your relationship is set up for disaster.
Here’s what happens when we transfer our deepest needs
1. You’ll never be satisfied. Nothing will ever satisfy you.
2. You will become cynical and discouraged. You just get frustrated.
3. You become bitter toward people. You live your life bitter. Everyone will disappoint you. Every person has just done less for you than they should have done.
People that transfer their needs to others are easily offended.
Your ability to give is based on what you receive. You can’t love unless you’re loved. You can’t give out unless you’re being given to.
Anyone you become overly dependent upon you become unattractive to. Whenever you are overly dependent on someone they recognize it and immediately back away!
But if you’re confident in your relationship with Jesus Christ.
1. I have a relationship with God. He loves me, He speaks to me and He gives me direction!
2. He’s told me who I am and where I’m going in life.
3. Even if you don’t like me I can handle that because I know God likes me.
4. Even if you reject me, He’ll never leave me.
5. I like you and want to have a relationship with you but if you don’t that’s okay and I can handle that because I know God and God is on the inside of me.
Here’s what trusting Jesus in a daily personal relationship does to empower us to relate to other people-especially our spouse.
1. When you have a relationship with Jesus He heals your hurts.
Psalm 107:20 (NIV)- “HE sent His word and healed us…”
God will heal your hurts. The love of God will transform your life.
The Samaritan woman was healed from being a broken mess and in one day became a fiery evangelist that won here city for Jesus.
You’re not ready to love until you get healed and you get healed when you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
The only one qualified to heal us on the inside is Jesus.
When you trust Jesus and have a personal relationship with Him.
2. You’re filled with His love and have the ability to love others.
Galatians 5:22,23 (NIV)- “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
Did you know that’s who you want to be married to? You can be that person.
Our you can have the personality of a rattlesnake and some of you do. Some of you are just mean.
In one second of time, if you would let the Holy Spirit come into your life and just say this, “My personality can’t love, would you come in and change me?”
Jesus says, If you will ask me for a drink I will give it! The Holy Spirit will make us into a person who can love like our Heavenly Father.
That’s why each of us needs a personal quite time with God. If you go without prayer you’ll not produce the fruit of the Spirit.
If you’ll trust Jesus and have a personal relationship with him.
3. Our sins and selfishness are changed into Christ Character.
If you can get along with Jesus you can get along with anybody. No-one is more challenging than Jesus Christ.
No-one loves me like Jesus and no-one gets in my face like Jesus.
Jesus says, “Deny yourself, take your cross and follow me.” If you can do that you can do anything.
To have a relationship with Jesus you must be humble and selfless. You’ve got to be a giver, you’ve got to have all those good attributes or you can’t walk with Him.
If you’re not walking with Jesus and your arrogant, rude, selfish, insensitive, dominant and immoral because there’s no-one challenging you or holding a standard for you to follow.
YOU’RE A PROBLEM WAITING FOR A PLACE TO HAPPEN.
CONCLUSION: I’m telling you that a relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important thing in your life! It’s the most important issue in your marriage.
There’s a well of water called the Holy Spirit and when you leave this place the Holy Spirit will go with you wherever you go!
When you drink that water it will fill you and heal you and make you the person you need to be and help you love other people.
When you don’t drink of that water you drink fro a human source that will fail you. It won’t quench your thirst.
THE ANSWER IS JESUS!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
The Law of Purity - Pastor Ken Bent
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New Life COTR Wednesday June 27, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
“The Law of Purity”
INTRODUCTION: For the last three Wednesday’s we’ve been discovering the spiritual laws of God that govern the institution of marriage. If these laws are followed we can know that we can have a 100% chance in marriage if we follow God’s laws.
Keynote scriptures: Genesis 2:24,25(NAS)- “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed.”
From these scriptures we find the four foundational laws of marriage that God has called both man and woman to follow and in turn the results will be a happy, productive, peaceful marriage.
A MARRIAGE BY GOD’S DESIGN!
Review: What are the three laws we’ve already discovered?
1. The law of Priority- “A man shall leave his father and mother.
2. The law of Pursuit- “and cleave to his wife.”
3. The Law of Possession- “the two shall become one flesh.”
TRANSITION: Tonight we’re going to focus on Genesis 2:25- “And the man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed.”
After God created Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, He did not clothe them. He did not intend to prepare artificial coverings for them. God’s perfect will was for them to remain naked.
In the beginning of time, God intended marriage to be a place of total “NAKEDNESS.”
Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This is the condition Adam and Eve enjoyed in the garden.
They were completely exposed before God and one another. In this condition they shared themselves totally in an atmosphere of intimacy and openness.
This is God’s picture of a perfect marriage relationship. It’s called the “LAW OF PURITY!”
Law of Purity- God designed marriage to operate in an atmosphere of purity. In that atmosphere we can expose ourselves to one another!
Marriage is designed in such a way that a man and woman instinctively share ourselves with one another.
However for this to take place there must be a prepared and protected atmosphere providing an environment for us both to “get naked.”
God designed the “nakedness” of marriage to include every area of our lives, body, soul and spirit.
When we are able to “undress” ourselves in every area before our spouses without shame or fear, we are in a healthy place for strong intimate relationships to develop.
If we cannot expose ourselves completely to our spouse we are hiding something. The hidden thing needs to be exposed.
SIN IS THE GREATEST OBSTACLE TO OPENNESS AND THE LAW OF PURITY.
After Adam and Eve sinned they searched for leaves to cover their genitals. Before they sinned their genitals were shamelessly uncovered.
This signifies three things:
1. Their differences could be openly expressed. (The genitals were the most obvious physical difference.)
2. They could have unhindered intimacy. (There was no clothing to remove for sex.)
3. Their most sensitive areas could be exposed without fear. (Genitals are the most sensitive area of the body.)
Conversely, the fig leaves with which Adam and Eve clothed themselves after sinned entered their relationship with God represent three things.
1. Our differences cannot be safely expressed where sin is present.
2. Sin damages and often destroys the atmosphere necessary to breed intimacy.
3. The sensitive areas of our lives and delicate issues in our relationships cannot be safely exposed when sin is present.
SIN IS THE GREATEST OBSTACLE TO OPENNESS
You can only expose yourself in an atmosphere of purity!
TRANSITION: There are three things to understand when applying the LAW OF PURITY to your marriage.
1. Sin is always deadly.
Romans 6:23- “For the wages of sin is death….”
2. Purity must be upheld by both partners in order for the relationship to provide a climate for total exposure.
Both partners in a marriage must be careful about what is allowed in their lives.
A spouse has a right to be concerned about every area of a partner’s life. Anything that person does will directly affect the other.
3. Purity is for every area of marriage.
When a robber wants to get into your home, he doesn’t need you to leave every door and window open. He only needs one way inside.
If he can gain one entry point, he can burglarize your entire house. THE SAME IS TRUE OF SIN!
The devil doesn’t need a person to sin in many areas in order to destroy that life or marriage. He only needs one entry point to give him a “stronghold” from which to bring destruction.
1Peter 5:8(NIV)- “Be self-controlled and alert. You enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
SEVEN STEPS TO PURITY IN MARRIAGE
1. Take responsibility for your own behavior.
Don’t focus primarily on your spouse; focus on yourself. You cannot change his or her behavior. But with the help of God you can change yours.
Luke 6:41 (NIV)- “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
Take responsibility for your own words and actions and build an atmosphere of purity and trust from your side first.
2. Do not return sin for sin.
God’s Word (Luke 6:27-36) tells us to return evil with good and even to love our enemies.
Revenge and retaliation will never solve a problem in a marriage. Those attitudes and behaviors will only perpetuate a problem and even make it worse.
Wives and husbands both must commit to using purity, not sin, in dealing with their problems.
3. Admit your faults.
The heartfelt and sincere expression, “I’m sorry; I was wrong; will you forgive me?” can heal a marriage quicker than almost anything else.
1John 1:9(NIV)- “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
On the other hand, pride and self-deception lead to an atmosphere where exposure to one another is to risky.
James 4:6, 5:16(NIV)- “….God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”
4. Forgive
Matthew 6:14-15(NIV)- “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Forgiving other people is a serious issue God! Unforgiveness poisons our hearts.
Hebrews 12:15(NIV)- “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Unforgiveness is like a dead rat in the attic. IT MAKES THE WHOLE HOUSE STINK!!!
The opposite is true of forgiveness. We are blessed and refreshed when we forgive others and get rid of unhealthy thoughts and feelings.
Here are five steps to forgiveness:
*Release the guilty person from personal judgment.
*Love the person who has offended you.
*Bless and pray for that person.
*Do not bring up the hurt in the future.
*Repeat this process as many times as necessary.
5. Speak the truth in love.
In the marriage there should an atmosphere of communication in which each spouse can communicate in love their thoughts, emotions and feelings.
This is not retrieving old hurts. It is taking care of problems as they arise in order for the couple to live in purity.
Some scriptures from Ephesians should be remembered when spouses confront one another.
Ephesians 4:15, 25-27(NIV)- “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
6. Pray for each other.
There may be some things in you spouse’s life that you simply cannot change. Only God can.
Pray for your spouse.
James 5:16(NIV)- “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
7. Seek righteous fellowship.
1Corinthians 15:33(NIV) “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
It is most difficult to keep a marriage pure when our main fellowship and association are with people who are impure.
YOU DON’T NEED FRIENDS WHO WILL SEDUCE YOU INTO SIN!
Before we can experience all of the beauty and holiness of purity, we must be in an atmosphere of purity.
CONCLUSION: The Law of Purity! Don’t allow yourself to be robbed of God’s best for your marriage by Satan’s lies. Be diligent to remain pure, and God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams!
Matthew 5:8(NIV)- “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
The Law of Possession - Pastor Kenneth Woolf
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New Life COTR Wednesday June 20, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
“The Law of Possession”
INTRODUCTION: How many would agree that the Bible is not a suggestion? How many would agree that God knows best? How many would agree that the Bible is God’s Word?
So therefore, if correction is needed, who is the one who corrects their ways, their mindsets? We do.
So it is with marriage. God has a set of laws that govern the institution of marriage.
We can know that we can have a 100 % chance in marriage if we follow God’s law.
1.) The Law of Priority
2.) The Law of Pursuit- (marriage is work) to the degree that you work at your marriage is the degree it will work for you.
Genesis 2:24- “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall be one flesh.”
“THE TWO SHALL BE ONE FLESH”
The intimacy and union of marriage is so profound that when God found a word to describe it was “ONE.”
YOU ARE GOING TO BE ONE! THE LAW OF POSSESSION!
God has designed marriage in such a way that there is to be co-ownership and co-administrating of everything in the marriage.
The laws of possession establishes trust and intimacy in the marriage! Once we understand and submit to this law, we will experience a significant depth of unity and bonding in the marriage.
Marriage is a complete union in which all things previously owned and managed individually (separately) are now owned and managed jointly!
THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS!
Anything in marriage that is not willfully submitted to the ownership of the other person is held outside the union, producing legitimate jealousy!
Becoming “one flesh” involves much more than just sex!
It involves merging everything owned by and associated with two persons into one mass, jointly owned and managed!
If there is something a spouse is unwilling to merge into the marriage, they are violated the LAW OF POSSESSION and violating the rights of the other spouse.
HOW DO THE TWO BECOME ONE? There must be a surrender of one’s individuality to the other.
People are naturally selfish and self-centered!
Anything that you will not surrender to co-ownership and management of the other spouse will cause resentment and jealousy in the marriage and will damage the relationship.
1Corinthians 7:3,4(NIV)- “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Notice what Paul says about the ownership of our bodies in marriage. We are to change ownership and control in the management of our bodies to from sole personal ownership to shared ownership and control with our spouses.
Anything that is not mutually owned and controlled by both partners will lead to division and problems.
Each area that we surrender to joint ownership and control will build a spirit of trust and intimacy in the marriage.
It can be a job, a bank account, children or a home.
TRANSITION: Our marriage relationship mirrors our relationship with God!
Luke 14:33- “In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”
How do I become intimate with Jesus? Give Him everything I have. I give-up total control to Jesus. I submit all that have to the authority of Jesus Christ.
IF there is anything in your life that you will not submit to Jesus, whether you realize it or not, you are saying that thing is more important than Jesus. Whether you realize it or not.
The things we will not give to Jesus become “idols” in His sight, and He refuses to compete with them.
Jesus is insulted when we will not trust Him with everything that we have.
The same is true on a different level with our spouses. If there is anything that we withhold from the relationship we tell our spouse that whatever it might be is more important than our spouse.
We are implying that we do not trust them enough to share it with them.
FOR YOU TO HAVE A TRUE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD YOU MUST TRUST HIM WITH EVERYTHING! FOR YOU TO HAVE A TRUE INTIMATE REALTIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE YOU MUST TRUST THEM WITH EVERYTHING.
FOUR WAYS TO VIOLATE THE LAW OF POSSESSION
1. Dominance- this is very common in marriage. Disproportionate control of the marriage and those elements important to the marriage.
Dominance is destructive! Dominance is seizing control of the assets of the relationship. Money, children, time, interests and even friends.
Dominance means I’m in control and you’re just along for the ride. This violates the law of possession.
Genesis 2 never made a reference to who’s in authority in the marriage. The healthier your marriage gets the less you’ll talk about whose boss!
If you’re always talking about whose boss you have an unhealthy relationship!
Dominance is a lack of sharing of myself both internally and externally! Healthy marriages allow influence (IN EVERY AREA) from the other spouse!
There should be shared control of the relationship!
THE NEXT WAY WE CAN VIOLATE THE LAW OF POSSESSION
2. Being Independent and Selfish- not being willing to yield the things we have into the marriage.
This is my job, my money, my children. When we get married it’s all ours now! You have nothing to yourself!
Everything you have must be co-owned and co-administrated. Why do so many marriages end up in divorce in America?
Because we’re selfish people. MARRIAGE IS BRUTAL ON SELFISH PEOPLE!
THE NEXT WAY WE CAN VIOLATE THE LAW OF POSSESSION
3. Protecting assets for what you believe may be a good reason.
Blended Families! The number one issue is children
A couple comes in for counseling. The husband married a woman with a child from a previous marriage. The child was hurt in the previous marriage.
Now the mother won’t discipline the child or allow the step-father to discipline the child. SHE PROTECTING THE CHILD!
When you remarry those children must become the property of the new spouse. The new spouse must have the right to speak into the life of those children.
IF NOT, THOSE CHILDREN WILL DIVIDE THE MARRIAGE!
The woman in this marriage was more loyal to her children than to her new husband.
IN ANY BLENDED FAMILY THE FAMILY BUILDS AROUND THE MARRIAGE AND NOT THE CHILDREN!
You have to trust the person you’re married to enough to trust them with your children! IF YOU DON’T, DON’T MARRY THEM!
I TRUST YOU WITH EVERYTHING I BRING INTO THE MARRIAGE!
The home must be built around the marriage and the children must understand there is co-ownership!
THE FOURTH THING THAT VIOLATES THE LAW OF POSSESSION
4. Pre-Nuptial Agreements
Before we get married I want you to know that you’re not going to get all this stuff. (That’s a death sentence on a marriage)
When we get married there’s something I’m not going to give you!
TRANSITION: The law of possession says that everything in the marriage is to be co-owned and co-administered between the two spouses!
FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT THE LAW OF POSSESSION
1. Possessions communicate value- If I won’t give this up for you, you’re not as important as this.
2. Possessions conquer or create jealousy.
3. Possessions enhance or inhibit intimacy
4. Possessions create an atmosphere of interdependence- I am dependent on you.
HOW DO YOU ESTABLISH THE LAW OF POSSESSION
1. Ask your spouse to pray with you.
2. Never make an important decision without the input and agreement of your spouse.
3. Communicate to your spouse that we’re a team. We need each other!
CONCLUSION: Are you completely surrendered to your mate? Is there something you are holding back?
Marriage is designed by God to be a total sharing of life between a man and woman.
Matthew 16:25- “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Foundational Laws of Marriage, Part 1: The Law of Priority - Pastor Kenneth Woolf
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New Life COTR Wednesday June 6, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
(Instead of a marriage on the Rocks)
“Foundational Laws of Marriage” Part 1
INTRODUCTION: If we’re going to build a MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS then we must build our marriage ON THE ROCK.
1Corinthians 10:4- “…For they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.”
John 7:37,38- “On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”
John 6:35- “Then Jesus declared, I am the bread of life, He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”
These are the most important scriptures you will here in this series on the marriage. They may not seem pertinent for a couple searching for answers in their marriage or for the lonely single person seeking that special someone for a lifetime relationship. But they are invaluable for these people.
Who meets your deepest needs? To really answer this question we must first ask, what are our deepest needs?
1. Acceptance- knowing you are loved and needed by others.
2. Identity- knowing you are individually significant and special.
3. Security- knowing you are well protected and provided for.
4. Purpose- knowing you have a reason for living. In the case of Christians, this means knowing that God has a special plan for your life.
Whether you realize it or not these needs have been motivating you throughout your life. THESE ARE NEEDS NOT WANTS!
Now let’s look at a list of the most common resources people seek for the fulfillment of our deepest needs.
1. Yourself
2. Spouses
3. Friends
4. Children
5. Employers and/or work, jobs, or careers
6. Churches and Pastors
7. Parents
8. God
9. Money/material possessions
10. A combination of two or more of the above.
WHO MEETS YOUR DEEPEST NEEDS?
Whom are what do you seek first to most fulfill your need for acceptance, identity, security and purpose.
What should the correct answer be? I seek God first and more than anyone else or anything to meet my deepest needs.
The fact is most people cannot honestly give that answer, and that is the root of the problem.
Most people never come to Jesus to get there needs met. He is the RIVER OF LIVING WATER. He invites us to come to Him for true fulfillment! He promises us complete satisfaction if we do that.
Whenever a Christian doesn’t go to God to meet their deepest needs they automatically transfer the expectation for fulfillment to the closest person or resource, the one in whom the most hope has been placed.
For many of us that is our spouse. When the expectation for getting our needs met is transferred to anyone or anything besides God, three main problems are created:
1. You always will be disappointed with the results, no matter how well things go.
2. You will lack the inner resources you need to love others the way you should and to confront life successfully.
3. You almost always will be hurt and offended eventually by the one in whom you invested all your trust, because that one cannot possibly meet your deepest needs.
Proverbs 28:26(NAS)- “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool…”
Jeremiah 17:5(NAS)- “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength.”
Proverbs 11:28(NAS)- “He who trusts in his riches will fall….”
COMPARE THESE WARNINGS TO THE PROMISE OF THOSE WHO TRUST IN GOD!
Jeremiah 17:7,8- “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is in the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.”
Psalm 125:1(NAS)- “Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever.”
Proverbs 29:25(NAS)- “…HE who trusts in the Lord will be exalted.”
The source of fulfillment of our deepest needs is the most important factor in marriage.
Acceptance, Identity, Security, Purpose.
I hope you’ve made the decision to let Jesus be YOUR ROCK and your Source and to allow God to cultivate your heart and build your marriage jupon His Word.
THE SECRET OF A SOLID MARRIAGE
The disastrous conditions of marriage today are not necessary. Every bad marriage and subsequent divorce could be eliminated and replaced by a solid, satisfying relationship, if only each couple would follow God’s plan for marriage!
From the very beginning of creation when God created Adam and Eve He had a perfect design for marriage.
God is qualified to write the instruction manual on marriage. Not Oprah, or Dr. Phil.
Genesis 2:18-25 Turn and read
God’s creation of a woman was perfect. A loving God in a perfect garden with a perfect man created the perfect woman.
God performed His most beautiful work, woman. God created Eve from the place closest to the man’s heart, his rib.
FROM THE BEGINNING GOD HAD A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT PLAN FOR MARRIAGE. THAT PLAN HAS NEVER CHANGED.
Hebrews 13:8- “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
God’s plan for marriage has never changed. What’s changing around is the world’s system and it’s unstable. Many people try and build their marriage on the instability of this world. Therefore their marriages are unstable.
WE MUST BUILD OUR MARRIAGES ON GOD’S WORD!
Matthew 7:24-27- Turn and Read
Many times there’s a sound of crashing marriages all around us. This sound does not shout that marriage does not work but demonstrates the lack of solid foundations to those marriages.
If we reject God’s Word and His plan, we cannot make marriages work, for marriages only work when we do them God’s way.
If we dedicate ourselves to learning and following God’s plan for marriage, we will begin to experience the security and fulfillment we have desired.
The rain is going to come and the wind is going to blow on everyone. But God’s Word is a solid foundation upon which we can build successfully.
TRANSITION: So, we’re going to look at a small portion of scripture from Genesis 2 and discover God’s Foundational Laws for Marriage!
These scriptures are so monumental to the success of our marriages that Jesus quoted them when the Pharisees were confronting Him concerning His views on marriage in Matthew 19:4-6.
Also the Apostle Paul quoted these scriptures in his instructions about marriage to the church at Ephesus in Ephesians 5:31.
Genesis 2:24-25(NAS)- “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
These two scriptures may not seem power-packed but they are. These two verses are life-changing and marriage saving!
These two scriptures will transform your marriage and when we learn the truth from these scriptures and you apply them to your marriage it will give you the marriage God desires for you and me to have.
Psalm 107:20(NAS)- “He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their
destruction.”
GOD’S FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE
Your marriage has a 100% chance of success in marriage if you keep these laws.
I. THE LAW OF PRIORITY
Genesis 2:24(NIV)- “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother…”
God said this with the intent that a man would have a special commitment between he and the woman. This commitment between the man and the woman would be more important than any other relationship.
Before a person marries the most important relationship bond is with his or her parents. So God told the man to “leave” his parents so that he could properly “cleave” to his wife.
Now this word is for us today. Adam and Eve didn’t have parents.
IT doesn’t mean we stop honoring our parents because the Bible commands us to “honor our mother and father.”
In Genesis 2:24 the word “leave” in the Hebrew means “to loosen or relinquish.”
So God meant that a man should relinquish the highest position of commitment and devotion previously given to his parents in order to give that position to his wife.
The same instructions apply for the wife.
THE LAW OF PRIORITY- God designed marriage to operate as the second most important priority in life, coming next to your personal relationship with Him.
If we put marriage in any position of priority other than the one God has instituted, the marriage does not work.
Many of us have misplaced priorities and that’s what has caused much of our problems in marriage.
TRANSITION: There are three things all of us need to do in establishing and adhering to correct priorities:
1. List the most important priorities in your life in order of importance.
Most should look like this. :
a. God-seeking and serving Him personally
b. Spouse
c. Our children (if you have any)
d. Church-seeking and serving God together with His Body.
e. Extended family and special friends
f. Work and Career
g. Hobbies and other interests.
The second thing in establishing and adhering to correct priorities.
2. Prove those priorities in real ways.
Three ways to do that:
a. Sacrifice- What will you give-up for me. “for this cause a man will leave his mother and father.”
b. Time- If you really love God you’ll give Him time. Time in the morning, First Day of the week. If it’s just lip service you’ll never really dedicate TIME to God.
Same is true in marriage. Time is a commodity in relationships. You cannot build a relationship beyond the time you give it!!!!
c. energy- I will give up energy to be with you. I love being with you. Don’t have an attitude because you don’t get to do what you want to do. Put energy into the priority!
The third thing in establishing and adhering to correct priorities.
3. Prepare to protect those priorities the rest of your life.
With life’s demands constantly bearing down on you, protecting your priorities becomes more f a real challenge and more necessary every day.
Once you have decided your priorities and committed to prove them out in real ways, the next step is to prepare to protect them from unwanted intrusions.
There are great rewards in getting your priorities inline with God and His Word. “A man shall leave his Father and Mother and cleave to his wife.”
Matthew 6:33(NAS)- “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.”
CONCLUSION: Do you want your marriage to be successful. Do you want a marriage that rocks instead of a marriage on the rocks.
Prioritize your life with God’s priorities.
The other three of God’s foundational laws for marriage. Pursuit, Possession and Purity.
Homework assignment: Write down separately and honestly what your priorities have been. (Each spouse) Now are those priorities according to the Bible. What should they be?
