The Most Important Thing - Pastor Kenneth Woolf

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New Life COTR Wednesday July 25, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
“The Most Important Thing”
INTRODUCTION: We’ve spent several weeks talking about BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS instead of having a marriage on the rocks.
1. The Law of Priority
2. The Law of Pursuit
3. The Law of Possession
4. The Law of Purity
If you follow these laws of marriage you can have 100% success in your marriage.
But tonight we’re going to talk about the MOST IMPORTANT THING to having a successful marriage.
John 4:1-26 (NIV) Turn and Read
Jesus is telling the lady, “Lady all your outward trinkets, all the people you have in your life are not going to help you at all.”
You’re drinking from a source that is going to keep you thirsty and coming back for more over and over for the same disappointing drink.
But if you would come to me now I would give you a drink you would never thirst again. JESUS WAS SPEAKING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!
He’s saying, “come get a drink from a supernatural source!”
This Story tells us Several Things
1. Jesus has compassion for those who have failed in marriage.
Every single person here has been touched by divorce. Jesus found a person that represents about as low as you can go.
Five marriages broken up and now she’s living with someone.
The point is- if Jesus loved this woman He can love anybody! If He can help this woman He can help anybody!
JESUS HAS COMPASSION ON PEOPLE WHO FAIL! “FATHER FORGIVE THEM, THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING.”
This was not an evil woman, just ignorant and Jesus had compassion on her. No matter what you’ve done, Jesus doesn’t throw people away!
This story tells us that Jesus has compassion on those who fail. The next thing the story tells us.
2. Marriage was created by God and it’s only successful when we honor His plan and presence.
Marriage was not created by government or man. Marriage is God’s domain. The context of this scripture we just read is Marriage Counseling.
Jesus comes to this woman who is totally broken and broken in marriage and He comes to the core issue. He never dances around the issues.
WHAT HE’S TELLING THIS WOMAN IS THAT SHE CAN SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE IF YOU INCLUDE ME!
The third this story tells us.
3. The most important issue in marriage is our personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
There’s no other issue that determines your success in marriage than your personal relationship with God.

WHY?
ONLY JESUS CAN MEET OUR DEEPEST NEEDS!
1. Acceptance- People may reject you but Jesus knows all the dirt on you, past, present and future and He still loves you!
NO-ONE CAN LOVE YOU LIKE JESUS!
2. Identity- Who you really are. Jesus created you in your mother’s womb and He really knows you.
People cannot tell you who you really are. They can tell you who they think you are.
ONLY JESUS CAN TELL YOU WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
3. Security- Only Jesus promises true security.
Am I safe from harm? Psalm 91(NIV) Turn and Read
Am I going to be provided for? Hebrews 13:5-“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
4. Purpose- Why do I wake up every morning? Is it just to get a paycheck? To just exist in life.
Maybe your purpose is for something eternal. To do something significant! Your life means something eternal.
Acceptance, Identity, Security, Purpose.
You see, you have deep needs in your life and only Jesus Christ can meet those deepest needs!
HERE’S THE PROBLEM: It’s called the principle of transference!
Whenever we don’t trust Jesus and our relationship with Him we automatically transfer the expectation of those needs to the people closest around us.
When kids we transfer that expectation to our parents. That’s why so many are bitter with parents.
When adults the number one person we transfer our expectations to is our spouse!
If we get married and we have a personal relationship with Jesus and He meets our deepest needs we are prepared to love our spouse!
If you don’t have this relationship you turn to your spouse and say, I want you to make me feel accepted.
I want you to make me feel like someone. Give me identity.
I want you to make me feel secure.
I want you to give me purpose!
The woman at the well had never worshipped God and had a personal relationship with Him. They worshipped things not God.
That’s why Jesus said, “Lady you’ve got to stop worshipping things and worship God in Spirit and in truth.”
She had never had that relationship with God so every man that came by her she latched on to and squeezed Him hard for acceptance, identity, security and purpose.
Make me feel like somebody. Make me feel special, make me feel secure.
God is not my source, you’re my source and she squeezed that first man, second man and on and on and they couldn’t do it.
Finally she gives up and starts living with a man.
JESUS SHOWS UP AND SAYS LADY, YOU’RE DRINKING FROM THE WRONG WELL!

THE PROBLEM IS NOT MARRIAGE, THE PROBLEM IS YOU!
You’re dry and empty on the inside and if you keep drinking from the same human source you’re going to continue to be thirsty.
Jesus says, If you will drink from me I will give you living water on the inside of and you will never thirst again!
I WILL SOVE YOUR PROBLEM!
You set yourself up for failure when you try to make another person be God to you and do what only He can do. They will always fail but God never fails you!
If you transfer your expectations of the needs only God can meet to another person your relationship is set up for disaster.
Here’s what happens when we transfer our deepest needs
1. You’ll never be satisfied. Nothing will ever satisfy you.
2. You will become cynical and discouraged. You just get frustrated.
3. You become bitter toward people. You live your life bitter. Everyone will disappoint you. Every person has just done less for you than they should have done.
People that transfer their needs to others are easily offended.
Your ability to give is based on what you receive. You can’t love unless you’re loved. You can’t give out unless you’re being given to.
Anyone you become overly dependent upon you become unattractive to. Whenever you are overly dependent on someone they recognize it and immediately back away!
But if you’re confident in your relationship with Jesus Christ.
1. I have a relationship with God. He loves me, He speaks to me and He gives me direction!
2. He’s told me who I am and where I’m going in life.
3. Even if you don’t like me I can handle that because I know God likes me.
4. Even if you reject me, He’ll never leave me.
5. I like you and want to have a relationship with you but if you don’t that’s okay and I can handle that because I know God and God is on the inside of me.
Here’s what trusting Jesus in a daily personal relationship does to empower us to relate to other people-especially our spouse.
1. When you have a relationship with Jesus He heals your hurts.
Psalm 107:20 (NIV)- “HE sent His word and healed us…”
God will heal your hurts. The love of God will transform your life.
The Samaritan woman was healed from being a broken mess and in one day became a fiery evangelist that won here city for Jesus.
You’re not ready to love until you get healed and you get healed when you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
The only one qualified to heal us on the inside is Jesus.
When you trust Jesus and have a personal relationship with Him.
2. You’re filled with His love and have the ability to love others.
Galatians 5:22,23 (NIV)- “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
Did you know that’s who you want to be married to? You can be that person.
Our you can have the personality of a rattlesnake and some of you do. Some of you are just mean.
In one second of time, if you would let the Holy Spirit come into your life and just say this, “My personality can’t love, would you come in and change me?”
Jesus says, If you will ask me for a drink I will give it! The Holy Spirit will make us into a person who can love like our Heavenly Father.
That’s why each of us needs a personal quite time with God. If you go without prayer you’ll not produce the fruit of the Spirit.
If you’ll trust Jesus and have a personal relationship with him.
3. Our sins and selfishness are changed into Christ Character.
If you can get along with Jesus you can get along with anybody. No-one is more challenging than Jesus Christ.
No-one loves me like Jesus and no-one gets in my face like Jesus.
Jesus says, “Deny yourself, take your cross and follow me.” If you can do that you can do anything.
To have a relationship with Jesus you must be humble and selfless. You’ve got to be a giver, you’ve got to have all those good attributes or you can’t walk with Him.
If you’re not walking with Jesus and your arrogant, rude, selfish, insensitive, dominant and immoral because there’s no-one challenging you or holding a standard for you to follow.
YOU’RE A PROBLEM WAITING FOR A PLACE TO HAPPEN.

CONCLUSION: I’m telling you that a relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important thing in your life! It’s the most important issue in your marriage.
There’s a well of water called the Holy Spirit and when you leave this place the Holy Spirit will go with you wherever you go!
When you drink that water it will fill you and heal you and make you the person you need to be and help you love other people.
When you don’t drink of that water you drink fro a human source that will fail you. It won’t quench your thirst.
THE ANSWER IS JESUS!