The Law of Possession - Pastor Kenneth Woolf

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New Life COTR Wednesday June 20, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
“The Law of Possession”

INTRODUCTION: How many would agree that the Bible is not a suggestion? How many would agree that God knows best? How many would agree that the Bible is God’s Word?
So therefore, if correction is needed, who is the one who corrects their ways, their mindsets? We do.
So it is with marriage. God has a set of laws that govern the institution of marriage.
We can know that we can have a 100 % chance in marriage if we follow God’s law.
1.) The Law of Priority
2.) The Law of Pursuit- (marriage is work) to the degree that you work at your marriage is the degree it will work for you.
Genesis 2:24- “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall be one flesh.”
“THE TWO SHALL BE ONE FLESH”
The intimacy and union of marriage is so profound that when God found a word to describe it was “ONE.”
YOU ARE GOING TO BE ONE! THE LAW OF POSSESSION!
God has designed marriage in such a way that there is to be co-ownership and co-administrating of everything in the marriage.
The laws of possession establishes trust and intimacy in the marriage! Once we understand and submit to this law, we will experience a significant depth of unity and bonding in the marriage.
Marriage is a complete union in which all things previously owned and managed individually (separately) are now owned and managed jointly!
THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS!
Anything in marriage that is not willfully submitted to the ownership of the other person is held outside the union, producing legitimate jealousy!
Becoming “one flesh” involves much more than just sex!
It involves merging everything owned by and associated with two persons into one mass, jointly owned and managed!
If there is something a spouse is unwilling to merge into the marriage, they are violated the LAW OF POSSESSION and violating the rights of the other spouse.
HOW DO THE TWO BECOME ONE? There must be a surrender of one’s individuality to the other.
People are naturally selfish and self-centered!
Anything that you will not surrender to co-ownership and management of the other spouse will cause resentment and jealousy in the marriage and will damage the relationship.
1Corinthians 7:3,4(NIV)- “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Notice what Paul says about the ownership of our bodies in marriage. We are to change ownership and control in the management of our bodies to from sole personal ownership to shared ownership and control with our spouses.
Anything that is not mutually owned and controlled by both partners will lead to division and problems.
Each area that we surrender to joint ownership and control will build a spirit of trust and intimacy in the marriage.
It can be a job, a bank account, children or a home.
TRANSITION: Our marriage relationship mirrors our relationship with God!

Luke 14:33- “In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”
How do I become intimate with Jesus? Give Him everything I have. I give-up total control to Jesus. I submit all that have to the authority of Jesus Christ.
IF there is anything in your life that you will not submit to Jesus, whether you realize it or not, you are saying that thing is more important than Jesus. Whether you realize it or not.
The things we will not give to Jesus become “idols” in His sight, and He refuses to compete with them.
Jesus is insulted when we will not trust Him with everything that we have.
The same is true on a different level with our spouses. If there is anything that we withhold from the relationship we tell our spouse that whatever it might be is more important than our spouse.
We are implying that we do not trust them enough to share it with them.
FOR YOU TO HAVE A TRUE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD YOU MUST TRUST HIM WITH EVERYTHING! FOR YOU TO HAVE A TRUE INTIMATE REALTIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE YOU MUST TRUST THEM WITH EVERYTHING.

FOUR WAYS TO VIOLATE THE LAW OF POSSESSION
1. Dominance- this is very common in marriage. Disproportionate control of the marriage and those elements important to the marriage.
Dominance is destructive! Dominance is seizing control of the assets of the relationship. Money, children, time, interests and even friends.
Dominance means I’m in control and you’re just along for the ride. This violates the law of possession.
Genesis 2 never made a reference to who’s in authority in the marriage. The healthier your marriage gets the less you’ll talk about whose boss!
If you’re always talking about whose boss you have an unhealthy relationship!
Dominance is a lack of sharing of myself both internally and externally! Healthy marriages allow influence (IN EVERY AREA) from the other spouse!
There should be shared control of the relationship!

THE NEXT WAY WE CAN VIOLATE THE LAW OF POSSESSION
2. Being Independent and Selfish- not being willing to yield the things we have into the marriage.
This is my job, my money, my children. When we get married it’s all ours now! You have nothing to yourself!
Everything you have must be co-owned and co-administrated. Why do so many marriages end up in divorce in America?
Because we’re selfish people. MARRIAGE IS BRUTAL ON SELFISH PEOPLE!

THE NEXT WAY WE CAN VIOLATE THE LAW OF POSSESSION
3. Protecting assets for what you believe may be a good reason.
Blended Families! The number one issue is children
A couple comes in for counseling. The husband married a woman with a child from a previous marriage. The child was hurt in the previous marriage.
Now the mother won’t discipline the child or allow the step-father to discipline the child. SHE PROTECTING THE CHILD!
When you remarry those children must become the property of the new spouse. The new spouse must have the right to speak into the life of those children.
IF NOT, THOSE CHILDREN WILL DIVIDE THE MARRIAGE!
The woman in this marriage was more loyal to her children than to her new husband.
IN ANY BLENDED FAMILY THE FAMILY BUILDS AROUND THE MARRIAGE AND NOT THE CHILDREN!
You have to trust the person you’re married to enough to trust them with your children! IF YOU DON’T, DON’T MARRY THEM!
I TRUST YOU WITH EVERYTHING I BRING INTO THE MARRIAGE!
The home must be built around the marriage and the children must understand there is co-ownership!

THE FOURTH THING THAT VIOLATES THE LAW OF POSSESSION
4. Pre-Nuptial Agreements
Before we get married I want you to know that you’re not going to get all this stuff. (That’s a death sentence on a marriage)
When we get married there’s something I’m not going to give you!
TRANSITION: The law of possession says that everything in the marriage is to be co-owned and co-administered between the two spouses!

FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT THE LAW OF POSSESSION
1. Possessions communicate value- If I won’t give this up for you, you’re not as important as this.
2. Possessions conquer or create jealousy.
3. Possessions enhance or inhibit intimacy
4. Possessions create an atmosphere of interdependence- I am dependent on you.


HOW DO YOU ESTABLISH THE LAW OF POSSESSION
1. Ask your spouse to pray with you.
2. Never make an important decision without the input and agreement of your spouse.
3. Communicate to your spouse that we’re a team. We need each other!
CONCLUSION: Are you completely surrendered to your mate? Is there something you are holding back?
Marriage is designed by God to be a total sharing of life between a man and woman.
Matthew 16:25- “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”