Foundational Laws of Marriage, Part 1: The Law of Priority - Pastor Kenneth Woolf

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New Life COTR Wednesday June 6, 2007
BUILDING A MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS
(Instead of a marriage on the Rocks)
“Foundational Laws of Marriage” Part 1

INTRODUCTION: If we’re going to build a MARRIAGE THAT ROCKS then we must build our marriage ON THE ROCK.
1Corinthians 10:4- “…For they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.”
John 7:37,38- “On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”
John 6:35- “Then Jesus declared, I am the bread of life, He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”
These are the most important scriptures you will here in this series on the marriage. They may not seem pertinent for a couple searching for answers in their marriage or for the lonely single person seeking that special someone for a lifetime relationship. But they are invaluable for these people.

Who meets your deepest needs? To really answer this question we must first ask, what are our deepest needs?
1. Acceptance- knowing you are loved and needed by others.
2. Identity- knowing you are individually significant and special.
3. Security- knowing you are well protected and provided for.
4. Purpose- knowing you have a reason for living. In the case of Christians, this means knowing that God has a special plan for your life.
Whether you realize it or not these needs have been motivating you throughout your life. THESE ARE NEEDS NOT WANTS!

Now let’s look at a list of the most common resources people seek for the fulfillment of our deepest needs.
1. Yourself
2. Spouses
3. Friends
4. Children
5. Employers and/or work, jobs, or careers
6. Churches and Pastors
7. Parents
8. God
9. Money/material possessions
10. A combination of two or more of the above.

WHO MEETS YOUR DEEPEST NEEDS?
Whom are what do you seek first to most fulfill your need for acceptance, identity, security and purpose.
What should the correct answer be? I seek God first and more than anyone else or anything to meet my deepest needs.
The fact is most people cannot honestly give that answer, and that is the root of the problem.
Most people never come to Jesus to get there needs met. He is the RIVER OF LIVING WATER. He invites us to come to Him for true fulfillment! He promises us complete satisfaction if we do that.
Whenever a Christian doesn’t go to God to meet their deepest needs they automatically transfer the expectation for fulfillment to the closest person or resource, the one in whom the most hope has been placed.
For many of us that is our spouse. When the expectation for getting our needs met is transferred to anyone or anything besides God, three main problems are created:
1. You always will be disappointed with the results, no matter how well things go.
2. You will lack the inner resources you need to love others the way you should and to confront life successfully.
3. You almost always will be hurt and offended eventually by the one in whom you invested all your trust, because that one cannot possibly meet your deepest needs.
Proverbs 28:26(NAS)- “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool…”
Jeremiah 17:5(NAS)- “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength.”
Proverbs 11:28(NAS)- “He who trusts in his riches will fall….”
COMPARE THESE WARNINGS TO THE PROMISE OF THOSE WHO TRUST IN GOD!
Jeremiah 17:7,8- “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is in the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.”
Psalm 125:1(NAS)- “Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever.”
Proverbs 29:25(NAS)- “…HE who trusts in the Lord will be exalted.”
The source of fulfillment of our deepest needs is the most important factor in marriage.
Acceptance, Identity, Security, Purpose.
I hope you’ve made the decision to let Jesus be YOUR ROCK and your Source and to allow God to cultivate your heart and build your marriage jupon His Word.

THE SECRET OF A SOLID MARRIAGE
The disastrous conditions of marriage today are not necessary. Every bad marriage and subsequent divorce could be eliminated and replaced by a solid, satisfying relationship, if only each couple would follow God’s plan for marriage!
From the very beginning of creation when God created Adam and Eve He had a perfect design for marriage.
God is qualified to write the instruction manual on marriage. Not Oprah, or Dr. Phil.
Genesis 2:18-25 Turn and read
God’s creation of a woman was perfect. A loving God in a perfect garden with a perfect man created the perfect woman.
God performed His most beautiful work, woman. God created Eve from the place closest to the man’s heart, his rib.
FROM THE BEGINNING GOD HAD A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT PLAN FOR MARRIAGE. THAT PLAN HAS NEVER CHANGED.
Hebrews 13:8- “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
God’s plan for marriage has never changed. What’s changing around is the world’s system and it’s unstable. Many people try and build their marriage on the instability of this world. Therefore their marriages are unstable.

WE MUST BUILD OUR MARRIAGES ON GOD’S WORD!
Matthew 7:24-27- Turn and Read
Many times there’s a sound of crashing marriages all around us. This sound does not shout that marriage does not work but demonstrates the lack of solid foundations to those marriages.
If we reject God’s Word and His plan, we cannot make marriages work, for marriages only work when we do them God’s way.
If we dedicate ourselves to learning and following God’s plan for marriage, we will begin to experience the security and fulfillment we have desired.
The rain is going to come and the wind is going to blow on everyone. But God’s Word is a solid foundation upon which we can build successfully.
TRANSITION: So, we’re going to look at a small portion of scripture from Genesis 2 and discover God’s Foundational Laws for Marriage!

These scriptures are so monumental to the success of our marriages that Jesus quoted them when the Pharisees were confronting Him concerning His views on marriage in Matthew 19:4-6.
Also the Apostle Paul quoted these scriptures in his instructions about marriage to the church at Ephesus in Ephesians 5:31.
Genesis 2:24-25(NAS)- “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
These two scriptures may not seem power-packed but they are. These two verses are life-changing and marriage saving!
These two scriptures will transform your marriage and when we learn the truth from these scriptures and you apply them to your marriage it will give you the marriage God desires for you and me to have.
Psalm 107:20(NAS)- “He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their
destruction.”

GOD’S FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE
Your marriage has a 100% chance of success in marriage if you keep these laws.
I. THE LAW OF PRIORITY
Genesis 2:24(NIV)- “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother…”
God said this with the intent that a man would have a special commitment between he and the woman. This commitment between the man and the woman would be more important than any other relationship.
Before a person marries the most important relationship bond is with his or her parents. So God told the man to “leave” his parents so that he could properly “cleave” to his wife.
Now this word is for us today. Adam and Eve didn’t have parents.
IT doesn’t mean we stop honoring our parents because the Bible commands us to “honor our mother and father.”
In Genesis 2:24 the word “leave” in the Hebrew means “to loosen or relinquish.”
So God meant that a man should relinquish the highest position of commitment and devotion previously given to his parents in order to give that position to his wife.
The same instructions apply for the wife.
THE LAW OF PRIORITY- God designed marriage to operate as the second most important priority in life, coming next to your personal relationship with Him.
If we put marriage in any position of priority other than the one God has instituted, the marriage does not work.
Many of us have misplaced priorities and that’s what has caused much of our problems in marriage.
TRANSITION: There are three things all of us need to do in establishing and adhering to correct priorities:

1. List the most important priorities in your life in order of importance.
Most should look like this. :
a. God-seeking and serving Him personally
b. Spouse
c. Our children (if you have any)
d. Church-seeking and serving God together with His Body.
e. Extended family and special friends
f. Work and Career
g. Hobbies and other interests.
The second thing in establishing and adhering to correct priorities.
2. Prove those priorities in real ways.
Three ways to do that:
a. Sacrifice- What will you give-up for me. “for this cause a man will leave his mother and father.”
b. Time- If you really love God you’ll give Him time. Time in the morning, First Day of the week. If it’s just lip service you’ll never really dedicate TIME to God.
Same is true in marriage. Time is a commodity in relationships. You cannot build a relationship beyond the time you give it!!!!
c. energy- I will give up energy to be with you. I love being with you. Don’t have an attitude because you don’t get to do what you want to do. Put energy into the priority!
The third thing in establishing and adhering to correct priorities.
3. Prepare to protect those priorities the rest of your life.
With life’s demands constantly bearing down on you, protecting your priorities becomes more f a real challenge and more necessary every day.
Once you have decided your priorities and committed to prove them out in real ways, the next step is to prepare to protect them from unwanted intrusions.
There are great rewards in getting your priorities inline with God and His Word. “A man shall leave his Father and Mother and cleave to his wife.”
Matthew 6:33(NAS)- “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.”

CONCLUSION: Do you want your marriage to be successful. Do you want a marriage that rocks instead of a marriage on the rocks.
Prioritize your life with God’s priorities.
The other three of God’s foundational laws for marriage. Pursuit, Possession and Purity.
Homework assignment: Write down separately and honestly what your priorities have been. (Each spouse) Now are those priorities according to the Bible. What should they be?