Healthy Relationships, Part 1 - Pastor Kenneth Woolf

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New Life COTR Wednesday May 23, 2007
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

INTRODUCTION: In a couple of weeks we’re going to be focusing on having a Healthy Family.
We’ll begin with the marriage. “Do you want a Marriage that Rocks, instead of a Marriage on the Rocks?”
Life is all about relationships. But countless people are in relationships that need a miracle. Every day we see shattered relationships. Husband and wife, parent and children, sisters and brothers, neighbors and co-workers who aren’t talking to each other, church members who don’t like each other.
Many people are settling for mediocre relationships! Relationship pain continues to grow in America.
Relationships we’re designed by God! It’s a God idea. We were all created with the capacity, with the desire, with the need to have healthy relationships.
You and I will never fulfill our God-Given dreams outside of healthy relationships.
Very seldom do you see anyone who doesn’t want to be connected to others. To love and be loved, to share dreams and hopes, to be valued.
Everyone longs for emotional, physical, and spiritual closeness and intimacy with others. Where does that longing come from? God created us for relationships! How do we know this, let’s go back to the beginning.
Genesis 2:15-25- Turn and Read .
Adam was the first person created. He must have felt in harmony with God and the creation. He had an intimate connection with both.
The Garden of Eden was a true Paradise, a safe place to exist. There was no war, famine or natural catastrophes or sin.
God gave Adam everything he needed: work to do, a close relationship with his Creator, everything he needed to take care of himself.

YET GOD SAID, “IT’S NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE.”

God had also planted deep within the man the desire for an emotional and physical connection, a bonding of the inner spirit, an intimate attachment of the soul called human relationship.
God created woman and the tow became one flesh and enjoyed the Garden of Eden TOGETHER!
They had relationship with one another and with God!
Yet they sinned and disobeyed God and when God questioned them about their sin Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the devil. Neither was willing to take responsibility!
Their relationships were shattered. With God and with one another.
TRANSITION: From this story we learn about what it takes to have healthy relationships.

Three things you must understand if you’re going to enjoy healthy relationships.
1. You are made for relationships
2. You are made with the capacity to choose
3. You are made to take responsibility for yourself
Understanding these three things can revolutionize your life and your relationships.
First thing we need to really understand:

I. YOU ARE MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS
“Sometimes I feel that I can’t live with her, and yet I know I can’t live without her.”
How often have you heard that said? There’s a reason for that, you were made for relationships. Even when they’re hard and difficult and just plain frustrating. IT’S THE WAY YOU’RE WIRED!
You and I have a longing to belong to someone, to be wanted, cherished for the valued person you are.
Relationships are not an option. From the moment you’re born you’re in a relationship with your parents. Soon you have relationships with brothers, sisters or friends. Then you have relationships in the work-place and develop close friends.
Eventually someone develops a relationship with someone they deeply love.
When a relationship becomes difficult or painful, we tend to dismiss the relationship and may for a while try to abandon all relationships. But eventually we come back and seek connection once again.
While we can choose HOW we’ll participate in relationships, we have no choice about WHETEHR we will participate in them. This is a critical point.
Your only real choice is whether you will work to make your relationships healthy, or whether you will hinder them or enhance them.
You are made for three kinds of relationships. 1. With others- 2. With yourself- 3. With God.
(GIVE DRAWING ILLUSTRATION)
Each of these relationships is not only important but they are all interrelated. If one of these relationships is out of balance the others will be as well.

1. You have a relationship with others.
You are created for relationships with others. But what are your relationships like?
Are they strong, satisfying, nurturing, respectful, and exciting? Or are they disappointing, strained, distant, painful and frustrating? You probably have some of both.
How about the woman on her third marriage? I left him because he had problems. I left the second one because he had problems too. He was better than the first but he had problems.
Now the third husband, he’s got problems too but he’s better than the first two.
THIS IS NOT UNCOMMON. THE PROBLEM WAS HIM! It’s the same game that’s been played for thousands of years
Adam blamed eve and Eve blamed the serpent. Pointing to the other person as the source of the problem!
Do you hear yourself making similar statements about your troubled relationships? DO YOU SEE PROBLEMS AS THEIR FAULT?
This will help you have healthy relationships.
It’s never just about the other person!!!
The problem you have with another person is often the problem you have with yourself.
Usually the pain that another person causes you is coming out of a fear or insecurity you have about yourself.
The problem is how you see yourself. The problem is how we react to what others say or do to us. It’s never just about the other person.
If all you do is place the responsibility for the problems on the other person you’ll continue to have problems with relationships.
Only when you recognize your own responsibility will you begin to find a way out of the problem.
TRANSITION: You were created for relationships. A relationship with others.

2. You have a relationship with yourself
If you’re going to have successful relationships you’ve got to understand the value of having a good relationship with yourself.
Do you have a healthy dynamic relationship with yourself? Are you on good terms with you? Do you think of yourself as important? Do you like yourself? Do you take care of yourself?
There is a big difference between people who think healthy about themselves and those who do not!
Our behaviors and how we think about ourselves affect our relationships with other people.
Psalm 139:14- “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
In all your relationships you must put yourself in the picture. You suddenly have a perspective of your relationships with others.
One of the things you immediately notice about people who have a healthy relationship with themselves is that they take care of themselves.
Their bodies, their minds, their emotions, and their spirits.
Again you must look at yourself through the camera lens. Many are afraid to do that because of what they might see.
TRANSITION: You were made for relationships. A relationship with others, a relationship with yourself and if you’re going to look at yourself and others with the right perspective you need this third relationship

3. You must have a relationship with God
Your most important relationship is with God, the source of all life.
The key to healthy relationships is to understand that we are wired to a direct connection to God.
Remember how we have the tendency to focus on others when we’re having relationship problems.
But we understand now that we need to put ourselves in the picture.
BUT NOW WE SEE GOD MADE YOU FOR A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIMSELF.
He offers you love, acceptance, forgiveness, value, growth, satisfaction, and honor.
He equips you with everything you need for a meaningful life and satisfying relationships.
He offers you life to the fullest!
John 10:10-“….Jesus came to give us live and live more abundantly.”
We were made for relationships. A relationship with others, ourselves and God.
Now we begin to look at our relationships like God sees them.
Rick Warren describes how God sees you in his book, The Purpose Driven Life.
“You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature…..Long before your were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. He thought of you first…. He custom-made your body just the way He wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality….Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn’t matter whether you parents were good, bad, or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom “you” he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you… God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes. He has a reason for everything he creates….God was thinking of you even before he made the world… This is how much God loves and values you.”
Do you believe that description? Do you believe that God loves and values you? Do you know that you are precious to Him?
Do you believe that He accepts you and forgives you? Are you convinced that you are of great worth to Him.
When you have a healthy relationship with God you can have a healthy relationship with you because you see you as God sees you! When you are healthy with God and you, you can have a healthy relationship with others!

ALL THREE RELATIONSHIPS MUST BE IN BALANCE.

God-yourself-others relationships are all part of the Great Commandment.
Matthew 22:37-39 “Jesus replied, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Our relationship with God is the first and greatest relationship, and our ability to love others is related to our ability to love ourselves.